Understanding your mate requires appreciating them at their best and worst. It involves all-around listening to your spouse.
In order to avoid feeling attacked, you need to listen to each other's problems. Despite the fact that this may appear to be an impossible task, if you adhere to a few strategies and put them into practice along the road, you could just succeed.
When you and your spouse are having a disagreement, it is important to listen to each other without becoming defensive.
To avoid confusion, your spouse (the speaker) must complain without accusing and articulate a positive need. But the listener must also learn self-soothing. This prevents your emotional brain from overpowering your reasoning brain and making you say or do things you don't intend. When in disagreement, self-soothing helps you retain yourself and your relationship.
This may seem odd, but remembering what was said helps when it's time to speak. Write down your thoughts in a notebook during an argument. Remember that you are listening to your spouse out of compassion for their pain. It helps to remind yourself that you will talk and express your thoughts after they do.
Arguing with your lover makes it hard to focus on love. However, remember all the excellent times you've had with your spouse to avoid responding harshly when they're shouting. Thinking about how you make each other happy might help you relax.
If your spouse says anything upsetting, ask them to change it. Tell them, "Your words make me defensive. Please rephrase what you said so I can understand you." This will teach your companion how to use words and help you grasp what they mean.
Naturally, your partner's complaints may sound personal. You must ask why you're defensive now. Because your spouse may not be talking about you, but about your situation. Focus on their description rather than taking it personally.